Teen Therapy

At the beginning, most teenagers resist therapy.

By the time parents call me, there’s been a good deal of crying, screaming, slamming doors, and general break down of communication in the family.  

When parents suggest seeing a therapist, some teens balk.  When we have our initial phone consultation, I’ll give you some strategies for getting your resistant teen through the office door.

Most resistance begins to melt when teens hear how I structure therapy.

Your teen needs to feel safe with me and that their privacy will be respected.  No teen wants to confide in an adult who is going to turn around and tell everything to mom.  So your teen needs to know they can trust me.

On the other hand, as a parent, you need to have some idea of what is happening in therapy.  Is my child talking?  Making any progress? Did s/he tell you about the fight we had last week?  Did he tell you he was caught smoking pot at school?  Should I be doing something different as a parent?  

This is how I usually explain it to you and your teen.

“First, Jessica, everything you say to me is private unless you are a danger to yourself or others–that would mean that your life is at risk or you are putting someone else’s life at risk.  After today, I will not talk about you with your parents behind your back.  

“Second, Mom and Dad need to have an idea of what is going on here, and they may need some coaching from me.  So, Mom and Dad can leave me a voicemail or send an email if there is something that they want to be sure you talk about in your next session.  I will not call them back or email them back.  Instead, I’ll take the information they gave me, and I’ll bring it up with you in session.

“Third, anyone can call a family meeting.  This means if I, or you, or a parent feel there is something we need to talk about, anyone can request it; and then we will have the family meeting to address the concern.”

Time builds trust.

As therapy goes on and your teen sees that I do what I say I will, they grow to trust me.  Often, after a few sessions, I can tell your teen that mom and dad need some coaching so that they can respond to her/him more effectively.  

I ask for their trust that I can coach their parents without them being present and that I won’t violate their confidentiality. By this time most teens feel that I understand their perspective and that one of my roles is to advocate for them with their parents; most are willing to give it to me.